Biggest Loser Challenge

If you haven't ever seen the show the biggest loser you should! It is one of the best shows to motivate you to lose weight! Whether a lot or a little these people and what they accomplish is amazing! I am proposing (with My mom Susan) a biggest loser challenge starting Jan 5th the same time as the next biggest loser show. There will be a weekly weigh in and of course a winner! We need ideas for the prize so any ideas are great! Also if you want to be a part let me know! It is always nice to know that people are working with you and you have a motivation to work harder and stronger! So here is a heads up Jan 5th 2010!!!! see you there!

ugh

Can you hear me sighing? Not because I feel great or even satisfied, I am sighing because I feel like I am in the same frustrating boat all over again! I am fat! I am not only fat but I am puting on weight all the time! Since we started the process of selling our house I have been very stressed out! And what do I do? I eat! I am a stress and comfort eater! And right now I am soooooo stressed that I am finding any food in my house or out there and eating it, or I guess I should say shoving it in my mouth to calm my self! I want to be thinner! (Don't we all?) But I am doing nothing about it! I fantasize about being thin and being fit and exercising but I feel so tired and overwhelmed that i am not doing anything about it! I need to re focus but look at my life and wonder do I start now or do I wait for things to settle down? Advice? I think about becoming a vegitarian again or giving up sugar or cutting out carbs. I just don't know where to start. or maybe it's I don't know how to start! Dan is my enabler but I know he wants to loose weight to! He is struggling just as much as I am but his shows less than me! He tells me he weighs more now than He ever has and yet people ask him if he has lost weight because he looks great! UGH! Me on the other hand gains two pounds and instantly look 30 lbs heavier!

Any thoughts?

I hate unposed photo's

I have not been doing well with my weight. I have been "stress eating" and have put some back on. Anyway my sister in law down loaded some photo's for me from her camera. As I was looking through them I saw all of these photo's she( or my brother) had taken of me that I did not realize they were taking. Can you say huge!!! I look awful!! UGH! So here comes more stress eating ok not really but I am trying to think about what I am eating and eat better. I have made no diet plans right now since we are packing our house and trying to get it ready to sell this week. I realize this would be the worst time for me to try and not stress and give up anything. But I have given up pop right now. I thought that would be a small but good start! Again!

Had to laugh

I have been working out at the Y while the kids had their swimming lessons. Dallins is first and his lesson is only 30 min. Then Emma and Aliya have theirs. Since dallin is to old for the child watch and the pool isn't open at that time yet he comes up and sits up at the gym and plays the Ipod. He loves it and I get 20 more mintues to exercise! One day as we were heading up to the Gym, coming down the stairs was this beautiful thin attractive woman. As we pass her Dallin says to me, " You work out so you can look like her, huh mom!"! WOW Can you say observant!

food as my comfort!

I have been so frustrated lately! I really don't have a reason to feel that way but with Dan traveling more, all the kids being home, and me not knowing what the future holds or where we will be in a few months, I feel more and more overwhelemed! Instead of using exersize for a reilief I am using food! I know that is not helping with my frustration because it obviously is not helping my figure or worse it is not helping how I feel! When you are out of shape, loaded with sugar and sleep deprived it keeps you feeling more down and less energetic! I know the solution for these things and these feelings but it is one thing to know another to do it! Some days I am a total hermit! I don't want to go out side if I don't have to! Unless Dan is around I don't know where to go and what to do with out him! All of my hobbies are at home hobbies! And right now I don't feel I can do any of them because if I focus on them then I am neglecting sooooo many other things!! UGGH! Maybe I'm just a complainer right now! I know I need an out! So this week my goal is to get a memebership to the YMCA to try and get some much needed time out and excersize and let the kids have fun and a plazce to go when I need an out! If you have any advice or things that have helped you please let me know!!

I did it!!!

I have been wanting to loose weight but obviously have not been doing it! I am amzing at coming up with reasons for not starting a diet to not working out! After a wonderful vacation in Idaho seeing family and friends I realized I am HUGE!! so once again started researching diets again! UGH! Than after promising to start on Monday we went to a friends BBQ! It was great and so were the deserts! I had 4 rice crispie treats and one huge piece of cake/pie thing!! so much for that "effort"!
But I re dedicated myself today! I got on the Elicptical for 1 HOUR!!!!! I am tired and now have a huge headache but I did it!!!! I did 2.20 miles and 534 calories in 1 hour! It was hard for the first few minutes, then it was easier deppending on the song that was on. But by the end I was dying!!! Dan came out for the last 2 min and I begged him to talk to me so I stopped counting the clock!! I was dripping sweat and smelled awful but felt amazing! I can already see me 30lbs lighter!! ( I wish )! but I do feel good! By goal is 30lbs by the time Daniel and Mandi get here which is June 30th! So here is to hard work and quick results!!!

I Hate food!

I hate food! I woke up wanting to eat something! I looked at the kids eating yogurt and knew that it is a ton of calories! I than look at the fridge frustrated! What will I make to eat???!!! I keep looking at the fridge and realize that I hate food! I don't want to eat anything, because I don't want to make the wrong choice! I want to eat healthey but it seems so hard to go from the ease of a bowl of cereal ( which actually were healthy ones (At least you think they are!)), or a doughnut or oatmeal with loads of calories to trying to make something that tastes good and is not going to make me gain weight!!
so after a long time of wandering around aimlessly I decided to make eggs, with fat free cottage cheese and cut up tomatoes! I loved it! I made enough to share with dan! we felt great!!
So I did it! I made food! I did not succomb to something unhealthy! I ate great and feel great!
Now on to lunch.........

Enough is Enough!!

I have gained more than I was before I started this blog!!
I have been sick this week! And as I was laying in bed I saw a show were three people were dieting for different reasons. The one that succeded was the one that weighed the most! I realized that I can do this ( for the millionth time!!!!)! So lets take two or three!
I want to have another baby but the last thing I want is to be fat and get preganant and get fatter! which I do really well! I also have a brother coming home froma mission and meeting my sister in-law for the first time, in person, and I don't want them to all see me huge!!!!!!!!!
I have Dan on board because he weighed himself and he weighs more than he ever has too! So he wants what I want!! we can do this together!! I am feeling much better today than I have so I have eaten better today!! remotivated!!! so once again I am on board!!

Falling off the band wagon

So I fell off the wagon!

I was doing good but little by little I started to slip off (I know thats how everything starts!)! I haven't gained anything back because I was working ( on the farm) and sick! So I am still 201.2 or at night 203!

I was talking to Dan about this work trip he has in mexico in may! He has wanted me to come for a long time, and I HATED the thought of going! No not because mexico is seriously messed up right now or because I couldn't really use the vacation from this crappy spring! No, I don't want to go because I don't want to put my body in a swimsuit in front of Dan's co-workers!

Can you imagine me with my 200lb body laying next to 4 women who have never had kids and are all under a size 6! Yeah for me!!!!!! NOT! Besides that I am a freak with 4 kids ( only 2-3 people with dan's work have kids and no one else has more than 3, and they are all in there late 30's to early 40's!) I am also huge!!!

So after talking to my sister in-law about this trip and summer hopefully coming this year, I am re-dedicated!!! I am getting on the eliptical and working out everyday this week!!

I need to go shopping but I have some food in the house and no sugar! oh and dan is gone! Which always helps me eat better!

On one more note! I am so proud of my friend Kristy who lost 10lbs! She has reminded me to stick with it and it will happen!! Thanks again Kristy!!

Maybe this weather is making me FAT?????

I am so sick of this weather! I know it is all mental but I feel so down this winter/spring!! I am couped up in this house for days at a time! I only go out and end up spending money! I need a REAL SPRING TO COME!!!!!!!! I sit here tired and overhwhelmed by my home and kids and husband and what do I do? I eat!!!! UGH!!!!!

I Hate food!!!!!!!!!

I hate food! I hate it!!!!! It is there to taunt me constantly!!
I have been in a bad mood all week! I have no idea why! No PMS No I'm not knocked up! I just am mad!! And what do I want when I am mad but good food or lots of sugar!!! I torture myself and think of olive garden and PF changs and well any kind of food! I mean Mcdonalds at this point sounds good! I am starving!!!!!! ok so no I am not really starving! I do eat and make sure I am consuming enough calories to loose weight! But I still just want FOOD!!! UGH!!!!
I know this is mostly mental! I want "comfort" food! I never realized how much I use food to comfort me until this week! I get mad at Dan, I want a honey bun! My house is a mess, I want pasta with alfredo sauce! Someone says something I don't like, Give me a steak!!!!!
So yes I know I need to be good! I know I want to be thin! I know I am Not happy with my size! But it is hard to Know it's worth it when everyone else in your house doesn't!!!
I will be good and I will be strong! Just don't expect to see a difference if you see me!!!

going crazy

I know loosing weight isn't easy! I know it takes time! But there are so many variables! Like sleep and water and time of day and sodium intake! Ugh!!! I am stalling right now! my weight for a week has been 202.4! I have tried different food and had NO success! I have a cold so I thought I could go with not eating dairy for a while. It has messed me up! My routine was yogurt with fruit, cottage cheese with tomato, and normal chicken and veggie dinner! I was loosing weight! of course low fat and fat free dairy ! So I guess I need to go back to that diet! But I am trying to not get this cold!!! Advice??
Also on the whole sleep thing!I have four kids! As all of you mothers know not having sleep is normal! But I am dying!!! Between all these colds, baddreams and peeing the bed, I AM TIRED!!! I went to the optometrist yesterday and he said my eyes have trouble focusing because of fatigue! (I came home and told my husband and he asked if I told the dr. I never get sleep or if the dr. said it to me! thanks Dan!!) I try and take a nap but I am sure it is not a far stretch to hear someone in my house say " But I don't get a nap at my job!"!
SO I am going through my days frustrated, tired, and going crazy!!! UGH!!!

wow fast then slow!!

I got on my scale yesterday morning to see an amzing 201!!!! I was happy but knew that part of it was a crazy day with little food! I still have been eating carefully though! So this moring I knew It wouldn't as good because I had actually eaten. I was right but still happy! it read 202.3! Not bad and even though I am sure I am loosing it in my calves I am still happy to be loosing it! A few tricks to not give in to junk food have been: 0 calorie drink mix! I dumped it in my water in water bottle and felt like I had something while dan was drinking a pop! Also the 90 calorie snack packs! Same thing! I oculd eat those and then feel good while everyone else had a cookie! I packed carrots grapes and I even cut up a tomato and brought it with my fat free cottage cheese! I am a die hard cottage cheese fan and think that the fat free is just as good as the normal! But that the low fat sucks! Weird I know! So here is to still trying during tough times!!

full length mirrors

For the longest time I didn't have a full length mirror! I don't relly remember wanting them to go but one day we had them the next day we didn't. I would often get all dressed up to go out and I would feel hot!! I would look in my mirror ( that went down to my shoulders) and think wow I look great! And THIN!! well we would go out and at some point pass a full length mirror or a window and I would be shocked with what I saw! Do I really look like THAT??? I'm HUGE!!! I would walk away frustrated that I didn't really know how I looked! So after Lilly was born I begged Dan to go to the storage place and bring back a mirror! The funny thing is when He asked what mirror I wanted him to bring back I told him my sisters that we were storing! It makes everything look better!!

Yes I want the truth, but I want it put delicately!

OCD about weighing

I am very OCD about somethings! One of them is weighing! I know you are supposed to only weigh once a week for sanity in weightloss but I have a problem!!! I weigh two to three times a day! I am a slave to it! I weigh in the morning and decided how I should eat for the rest of the day! Or I feel confidant about my loss and have a fantastic day! I also weigh at night and know how I did that day! If the sacle looks to high that means the next morning it won't be good! If it's low that means the number will be even better tomorrow!!! I know that is horrible! I know I should stop and weigh just once a week. But I really don't want to! I like knowing everyday! I feel like if I would weigh just once a week I would loose my little gauge that is keeping me on track! I would feel lost! So here to being crazy!! Hopefully it will not hurt my weightloss but help!!

1 more lb gone!

I am trying hard to keep up with this weight lose! I weighed again this morning and I am 1 more lb gone!!! 204! my goal is by march to be in the 100's again! Yeah!!! 5lbs to go!! and I am feeling great! I made my own dinner last night because they had mac and cheese with hotdogs! Yuck! so I had chicken breast and asparagus! I love veggies!!! so It was perfect for me!! we just threw away the rest of the cake! ( whew!! That temptation is over!!) I want to be thin!!!!! or at least thiner!!

Yeah! 1 Whole lb gone!! only 9 billion to go!!

I was great yesterday!!! I did have 1, ok 2, bites ( I promise small) of Lilly's birthday cake! I did not have any oreo's even though I did give them to the kids for a treat! I measured out my breakfast: 1 cup lowfat yogurt, 1 medium banana, and 1/4 cup granola ( to add texture to my yogurt!). I went to Mcdonalds for lunch with friends. I thought ( long and hard) about what I would order. I ate most of a salad ceasar grilled chicken breast, a water and 10 fries and 3 slices of apples( the kids left there food on the table)! I came home and drank lots of water! Then for a sanck I had fat free cream cheese and 6 whole wheat ritz crackers ( only a half of package left in the pantry when I found them)! Dan made dinner. I planned on making my own but in the end didn't need to! Yeah! He made whole wheat spaghetti and homemade sauce that had a lot of veggies! I had 1 1/4 cup pasta and sauce. 1 piece garlic toast. and a 1/2 cup low fat cottage cheese! I never went back for seconds ( I was freaking out at the table because of the noise and food)! We had Lilly's birthday cake and everyone loved it! I was trying hard to to not eat any of it! Aliya left two bites on her plate. I ate them and then quickly put the rest in the sink! That was it! I drank some more water and was done for the night! I had a pounding headache around 9:30pm and was telling dan when he asked how much water I drank today. I told him I had had a lot and that I had been great on my diet today! He quickly put two and two together for me. I was having withdrawls from the sugar! I hurt for an hour and then as Dan went to get my some tylenol I fell alseep. When I got on the scale today I was 1 lb lighter! Even before going to the bathroom, and with my underdigs on! I feel great! Isn't it amazing how that 1 little lb (which could be water weight) makes you feel so good! Well it is keeping me motivated for today! And as my mom would say it is one day at a time!
Oh I forgot to mention I am keeping track of everything at sparks.com! it's free and it tracks things really well!

my weight story

I was never a size 2! Well maybe when I was 5 but that was it! When I was 15 I thought I was hot! You know the kind of hot where you hate your body and love it all at the same time! I was probably around a size 10 (145-150). I knew I wasn't small by any means but still not bad looking! I liked to say a voluptuous woman!
Than when I was 18 some stress happened in my life to make/help me loose weight to the point that for the first time in my life I was able to fit into a size 6 (125)! I loved my size!! It was almost impossible to maintain! I would have to not eat and work out everyday for 3 hours to keep up that weight! I moved to Utah and thought I looked amazing! Finally I was a skinny girl! Or at least I hoped I was! I moved in with roommates only to discover that my roomates were a size 4 and 2! Can you say let down! I was the smallest I had ever been in my life and still felt like I was fat!
So of course my weight fluctuated a little, but I stayed pretty small. By the time I moved back to Montana I was a size 8 (135) and happy with it! I wished I didn't have ( ok what I thought at the time were) love handles and then I would be perfect, but all good!
I got married and then shortly ( really, I mean shortly, like 1 month) after found out I was pregnant! I didn't care how "big" I was getting I was a newlywed about to have a baby! Life was great! I gained 60lbs during that pregnancy! I had a very healthy baby, but had some bowel problems. So after 1 year I had lost alomost all of the baby weight (140) ! I thought "this was easy"! No effort to loose this weight!! Sweeet!!
After a fantastic christmas ( I put on 6lbs(146)) I found out I was pregnant with #2! We had wanted to get pregnant so this was very welcome news! Once again I didn't worry about my weight gain or working out! I KNEW I could loose weight after having a baby!
We moved during this pregnancy to Arizona! The heat nearly killed me! So with the aid of lots of slurpies and popsicles I gained 60lbs(205) !! This time it did NOT come off! I started to realize when she was 6months and I was still 190 that this was not going to be the same! I didn't have bowel problems with this baby! And I was also now feeding a two year old "his kind" of foods!
We moved again! To Washington! I started walking to the library and slowly ( very slowly) saw my weight falling off! We moved again and bought our first home, and I got serious! I started working out and eating right! I gave up sugar and dairy and got down to 170! I felt awesome! I was a size 12 but felt incredible! I could run and walk so fast! I had so much energy! I loved the way my clothes looked again! Even sex was better!!
Than I found out ( my babies were almost 4and 2) that I was pregnant with #3! I was excited and vowed to watch what I eat and exercise! I didn't do any of those things! Instead I ate whatever I wanted! By the time I gave birth I had put on 45lbs!!! I wasn't sure how I was going to loose this weight! I walked a little but just really enjoyed life! I only got down to 190 when I found out (Yup, you guessed it!) Pregnant with #4! Once again I vowed to watch what I ate and exersize! I even had fantasies about weighing less than when I started by the time I gave birth ( ok stop laughing!)!
I put on..... drum roll please...... 45lbs! I finaly surpassed my husband in weight ( ugh)! I did come out with a 9lb baby and a week over due, but still!
So now that baby is a year old! I have only lost about 25 lbs! I am 27 years old and weigh 206! I have never thought in a million years that I could or even would weigh so much!!!
So that was my story of how I put my weight ON! This is my story of how I will take it off!!!

why today???

So you might ask why today would I decide to start a blog about being fat? Well I have been fat for a quite some time now, and I decided after hearing my husband talk again about how people think he has lost weight, and putting on my "fat" pants to have them tight again, that it was time for me to get serious! I needed to feel I had no excuses even though in reality I have a million! So today I started being responsible for my weight! I gave up sugar today and started watching what I am eating! It has been hard I will admit but I know somewhere deep deep deep deep deep down that it is worth it and I will be happier!
I talked to a friend today ( hi Kristy!!) that said she would read it and enjoy reading someone elses struggles with weight! It helped push me that last little bit that I needed to finally start this! So here it is! My struggles with weight!!!

welcome!!

Welcome to my new blog! I have been thinking about starting this for a while! This is a blog just about me and my weight loss ups and downs! it is not about my kids or what they are acheiving or my husband and how successful he is! This is just for me so if you want the others please return to my other blog!!