food as my comfort!

I have been so frustrated lately! I really don't have a reason to feel that way but with Dan traveling more, all the kids being home, and me not knowing what the future holds or where we will be in a few months, I feel more and more overwhelemed! Instead of using exersize for a reilief I am using food! I know that is not helping with my frustration because it obviously is not helping my figure or worse it is not helping how I feel! When you are out of shape, loaded with sugar and sleep deprived it keeps you feeling more down and less energetic! I know the solution for these things and these feelings but it is one thing to know another to do it! Some days I am a total hermit! I don't want to go out side if I don't have to! Unless Dan is around I don't know where to go and what to do with out him! All of my hobbies are at home hobbies! And right now I don't feel I can do any of them because if I focus on them then I am neglecting sooooo many other things!! UGGH! Maybe I'm just a complainer right now! I know I need an out! So this week my goal is to get a memebership to the YMCA to try and get some much needed time out and excersize and let the kids have fun and a plazce to go when I need an out! If you have any advice or things that have helped you please let me know!!

I did it!!!

I have been wanting to loose weight but obviously have not been doing it! I am amzing at coming up with reasons for not starting a diet to not working out! After a wonderful vacation in Idaho seeing family and friends I realized I am HUGE!! so once again started researching diets again! UGH! Than after promising to start on Monday we went to a friends BBQ! It was great and so were the deserts! I had 4 rice crispie treats and one huge piece of cake/pie thing!! so much for that "effort"!
But I re dedicated myself today! I got on the Elicptical for 1 HOUR!!!!! I am tired and now have a huge headache but I did it!!!! I did 2.20 miles and 534 calories in 1 hour! It was hard for the first few minutes, then it was easier deppending on the song that was on. But by the end I was dying!!! Dan came out for the last 2 min and I begged him to talk to me so I stopped counting the clock!! I was dripping sweat and smelled awful but felt amazing! I can already see me 30lbs lighter!! ( I wish )! but I do feel good! By goal is 30lbs by the time Daniel and Mandi get here which is June 30th! So here is to hard work and quick results!!!

I Hate food!

I hate food! I woke up wanting to eat something! I looked at the kids eating yogurt and knew that it is a ton of calories! I than look at the fridge frustrated! What will I make to eat???!!! I keep looking at the fridge and realize that I hate food! I don't want to eat anything, because I don't want to make the wrong choice! I want to eat healthey but it seems so hard to go from the ease of a bowl of cereal ( which actually were healthy ones (At least you think they are!)), or a doughnut or oatmeal with loads of calories to trying to make something that tastes good and is not going to make me gain weight!!
so after a long time of wandering around aimlessly I decided to make eggs, with fat free cottage cheese and cut up tomatoes! I loved it! I made enough to share with dan! we felt great!!
So I did it! I made food! I did not succomb to something unhealthy! I ate great and feel great!
Now on to lunch.........

Enough is Enough!!

I have gained more than I was before I started this blog!!
I have been sick this week! And as I was laying in bed I saw a show were three people were dieting for different reasons. The one that succeded was the one that weighed the most! I realized that I can do this ( for the millionth time!!!!)! So lets take two or three!
I want to have another baby but the last thing I want is to be fat and get preganant and get fatter! which I do really well! I also have a brother coming home froma mission and meeting my sister in-law for the first time, in person, and I don't want them to all see me huge!!!!!!!!!
I have Dan on board because he weighed himself and he weighs more than he ever has too! So he wants what I want!! we can do this together!! I am feeling much better today than I have so I have eaten better today!! remotivated!!! so once again I am on board!!

Falling off the band wagon

So I fell off the wagon!

I was doing good but little by little I started to slip off (I know thats how everything starts!)! I haven't gained anything back because I was working ( on the farm) and sick! So I am still 201.2 or at night 203!

I was talking to Dan about this work trip he has in mexico in may! He has wanted me to come for a long time, and I HATED the thought of going! No not because mexico is seriously messed up right now or because I couldn't really use the vacation from this crappy spring! No, I don't want to go because I don't want to put my body in a swimsuit in front of Dan's co-workers!

Can you imagine me with my 200lb body laying next to 4 women who have never had kids and are all under a size 6! Yeah for me!!!!!! NOT! Besides that I am a freak with 4 kids ( only 2-3 people with dan's work have kids and no one else has more than 3, and they are all in there late 30's to early 40's!) I am also huge!!!

So after talking to my sister in-law about this trip and summer hopefully coming this year, I am re-dedicated!!! I am getting on the eliptical and working out everyday this week!!

I need to go shopping but I have some food in the house and no sugar! oh and dan is gone! Which always helps me eat better!

On one more note! I am so proud of my friend Kristy who lost 10lbs! She has reminded me to stick with it and it will happen!! Thanks again Kristy!!

Maybe this weather is making me FAT?????

I am so sick of this weather! I know it is all mental but I feel so down this winter/spring!! I am couped up in this house for days at a time! I only go out and end up spending money! I need a REAL SPRING TO COME!!!!!!!! I sit here tired and overhwhelmed by my home and kids and husband and what do I do? I eat!!!! UGH!!!!!

I Hate food!!!!!!!!!

I hate food! I hate it!!!!! It is there to taunt me constantly!!
I have been in a bad mood all week! I have no idea why! No PMS No I'm not knocked up! I just am mad!! And what do I want when I am mad but good food or lots of sugar!!! I torture myself and think of olive garden and PF changs and well any kind of food! I mean Mcdonalds at this point sounds good! I am starving!!!!!! ok so no I am not really starving! I do eat and make sure I am consuming enough calories to loose weight! But I still just want FOOD!!! UGH!!!!
I know this is mostly mental! I want "comfort" food! I never realized how much I use food to comfort me until this week! I get mad at Dan, I want a honey bun! My house is a mess, I want pasta with alfredo sauce! Someone says something I don't like, Give me a steak!!!!!
So yes I know I need to be good! I know I want to be thin! I know I am Not happy with my size! But it is hard to Know it's worth it when everyone else in your house doesn't!!!
I will be good and I will be strong! Just don't expect to see a difference if you see me!!!