wow fast then slow!!

I got on my scale yesterday morning to see an amzing 201!!!! I was happy but knew that part of it was a crazy day with little food! I still have been eating carefully though! So this moring I knew It wouldn't as good because I had actually eaten. I was right but still happy! it read 202.3! Not bad and even though I am sure I am loosing it in my calves I am still happy to be loosing it! A few tricks to not give in to junk food have been: 0 calorie drink mix! I dumped it in my water in water bottle and felt like I had something while dan was drinking a pop! Also the 90 calorie snack packs! Same thing! I oculd eat those and then feel good while everyone else had a cookie! I packed carrots grapes and I even cut up a tomato and brought it with my fat free cottage cheese! I am a die hard cottage cheese fan and think that the fat free is just as good as the normal! But that the low fat sucks! Weird I know! So here is to still trying during tough times!!

full length mirrors

For the longest time I didn't have a full length mirror! I don't relly remember wanting them to go but one day we had them the next day we didn't. I would often get all dressed up to go out and I would feel hot!! I would look in my mirror ( that went down to my shoulders) and think wow I look great! And THIN!! well we would go out and at some point pass a full length mirror or a window and I would be shocked with what I saw! Do I really look like THAT??? I'm HUGE!!! I would walk away frustrated that I didn't really know how I looked! So after Lilly was born I begged Dan to go to the storage place and bring back a mirror! The funny thing is when He asked what mirror I wanted him to bring back I told him my sisters that we were storing! It makes everything look better!!

Yes I want the truth, but I want it put delicately!

OCD about weighing

I am very OCD about somethings! One of them is weighing! I know you are supposed to only weigh once a week for sanity in weightloss but I have a problem!!! I weigh two to three times a day! I am a slave to it! I weigh in the morning and decided how I should eat for the rest of the day! Or I feel confidant about my loss and have a fantastic day! I also weigh at night and know how I did that day! If the sacle looks to high that means the next morning it won't be good! If it's low that means the number will be even better tomorrow!!! I know that is horrible! I know I should stop and weigh just once a week. But I really don't want to! I like knowing everyday! I feel like if I would weigh just once a week I would loose my little gauge that is keeping me on track! I would feel lost! So here to being crazy!! Hopefully it will not hurt my weightloss but help!!

1 more lb gone!

I am trying hard to keep up with this weight lose! I weighed again this morning and I am 1 more lb gone!!! 204! my goal is by march to be in the 100's again! Yeah!!! 5lbs to go!! and I am feeling great! I made my own dinner last night because they had mac and cheese with hotdogs! Yuck! so I had chicken breast and asparagus! I love veggies!!! so It was perfect for me!! we just threw away the rest of the cake! ( whew!! That temptation is over!!) I want to be thin!!!!! or at least thiner!!

Yeah! 1 Whole lb gone!! only 9 billion to go!!

I was great yesterday!!! I did have 1, ok 2, bites ( I promise small) of Lilly's birthday cake! I did not have any oreo's even though I did give them to the kids for a treat! I measured out my breakfast: 1 cup lowfat yogurt, 1 medium banana, and 1/4 cup granola ( to add texture to my yogurt!). I went to Mcdonalds for lunch with friends. I thought ( long and hard) about what I would order. I ate most of a salad ceasar grilled chicken breast, a water and 10 fries and 3 slices of apples( the kids left there food on the table)! I came home and drank lots of water! Then for a sanck I had fat free cream cheese and 6 whole wheat ritz crackers ( only a half of package left in the pantry when I found them)! Dan made dinner. I planned on making my own but in the end didn't need to! Yeah! He made whole wheat spaghetti and homemade sauce that had a lot of veggies! I had 1 1/4 cup pasta and sauce. 1 piece garlic toast. and a 1/2 cup low fat cottage cheese! I never went back for seconds ( I was freaking out at the table because of the noise and food)! We had Lilly's birthday cake and everyone loved it! I was trying hard to to not eat any of it! Aliya left two bites on her plate. I ate them and then quickly put the rest in the sink! That was it! I drank some more water and was done for the night! I had a pounding headache around 9:30pm and was telling dan when he asked how much water I drank today. I told him I had had a lot and that I had been great on my diet today! He quickly put two and two together for me. I was having withdrawls from the sugar! I hurt for an hour and then as Dan went to get my some tylenol I fell alseep. When I got on the scale today I was 1 lb lighter! Even before going to the bathroom, and with my underdigs on! I feel great! Isn't it amazing how that 1 little lb (which could be water weight) makes you feel so good! Well it is keeping me motivated for today! And as my mom would say it is one day at a time!
Oh I forgot to mention I am keeping track of everything at sparks.com! it's free and it tracks things really well!

my weight story

I was never a size 2! Well maybe when I was 5 but that was it! When I was 15 I thought I was hot! You know the kind of hot where you hate your body and love it all at the same time! I was probably around a size 10 (145-150). I knew I wasn't small by any means but still not bad looking! I liked to say a voluptuous woman!
Than when I was 18 some stress happened in my life to make/help me loose weight to the point that for the first time in my life I was able to fit into a size 6 (125)! I loved my size!! It was almost impossible to maintain! I would have to not eat and work out everyday for 3 hours to keep up that weight! I moved to Utah and thought I looked amazing! Finally I was a skinny girl! Or at least I hoped I was! I moved in with roommates only to discover that my roomates were a size 4 and 2! Can you say let down! I was the smallest I had ever been in my life and still felt like I was fat!
So of course my weight fluctuated a little, but I stayed pretty small. By the time I moved back to Montana I was a size 8 (135) and happy with it! I wished I didn't have ( ok what I thought at the time were) love handles and then I would be perfect, but all good!
I got married and then shortly ( really, I mean shortly, like 1 month) after found out I was pregnant! I didn't care how "big" I was getting I was a newlywed about to have a baby! Life was great! I gained 60lbs during that pregnancy! I had a very healthy baby, but had some bowel problems. So after 1 year I had lost alomost all of the baby weight (140) ! I thought "this was easy"! No effort to loose this weight!! Sweeet!!
After a fantastic christmas ( I put on 6lbs(146)) I found out I was pregnant with #2! We had wanted to get pregnant so this was very welcome news! Once again I didn't worry about my weight gain or working out! I KNEW I could loose weight after having a baby!
We moved during this pregnancy to Arizona! The heat nearly killed me! So with the aid of lots of slurpies and popsicles I gained 60lbs(205) !! This time it did NOT come off! I started to realize when she was 6months and I was still 190 that this was not going to be the same! I didn't have bowel problems with this baby! And I was also now feeding a two year old "his kind" of foods!
We moved again! To Washington! I started walking to the library and slowly ( very slowly) saw my weight falling off! We moved again and bought our first home, and I got serious! I started working out and eating right! I gave up sugar and dairy and got down to 170! I felt awesome! I was a size 12 but felt incredible! I could run and walk so fast! I had so much energy! I loved the way my clothes looked again! Even sex was better!!
Than I found out ( my babies were almost 4and 2) that I was pregnant with #3! I was excited and vowed to watch what I eat and exercise! I didn't do any of those things! Instead I ate whatever I wanted! By the time I gave birth I had put on 45lbs!!! I wasn't sure how I was going to loose this weight! I walked a little but just really enjoyed life! I only got down to 190 when I found out (Yup, you guessed it!) Pregnant with #4! Once again I vowed to watch what I ate and exersize! I even had fantasies about weighing less than when I started by the time I gave birth ( ok stop laughing!)!
I put on..... drum roll please...... 45lbs! I finaly surpassed my husband in weight ( ugh)! I did come out with a 9lb baby and a week over due, but still!
So now that baby is a year old! I have only lost about 25 lbs! I am 27 years old and weigh 206! I have never thought in a million years that I could or even would weigh so much!!!
So that was my story of how I put my weight ON! This is my story of how I will take it off!!!

why today???

So you might ask why today would I decide to start a blog about being fat? Well I have been fat for a quite some time now, and I decided after hearing my husband talk again about how people think he has lost weight, and putting on my "fat" pants to have them tight again, that it was time for me to get serious! I needed to feel I had no excuses even though in reality I have a million! So today I started being responsible for my weight! I gave up sugar today and started watching what I am eating! It has been hard I will admit but I know somewhere deep deep deep deep deep down that it is worth it and I will be happier!
I talked to a friend today ( hi Kristy!!) that said she would read it and enjoy reading someone elses struggles with weight! It helped push me that last little bit that I needed to finally start this! So here it is! My struggles with weight!!!

welcome!!

Welcome to my new blog! I have been thinking about starting this for a while! This is a blog just about me and my weight loss ups and downs! it is not about my kids or what they are acheiving or my husband and how successful he is! This is just for me so if you want the others please return to my other blog!!