Falling off the band wagon

So I fell off the wagon!

I was doing good but little by little I started to slip off (I know thats how everything starts!)! I haven't gained anything back because I was working ( on the farm) and sick! So I am still 201.2 or at night 203!

I was talking to Dan about this work trip he has in mexico in may! He has wanted me to come for a long time, and I HATED the thought of going! No not because mexico is seriously messed up right now or because I couldn't really use the vacation from this crappy spring! No, I don't want to go because I don't want to put my body in a swimsuit in front of Dan's co-workers!

Can you imagine me with my 200lb body laying next to 4 women who have never had kids and are all under a size 6! Yeah for me!!!!!! NOT! Besides that I am a freak with 4 kids ( only 2-3 people with dan's work have kids and no one else has more than 3, and they are all in there late 30's to early 40's!) I am also huge!!!

So after talking to my sister in-law about this trip and summer hopefully coming this year, I am re-dedicated!!! I am getting on the eliptical and working out everyday this week!!

I need to go shopping but I have some food in the house and no sugar! oh and dan is gone! Which always helps me eat better!

On one more note! I am so proud of my friend Kristy who lost 10lbs! She has reminded me to stick with it and it will happen!! Thanks again Kristy!!

Maybe this weather is making me FAT?????

I am so sick of this weather! I know it is all mental but I feel so down this winter/spring!! I am couped up in this house for days at a time! I only go out and end up spending money! I need a REAL SPRING TO COME!!!!!!!! I sit here tired and overhwhelmed by my home and kids and husband and what do I do? I eat!!!! UGH!!!!!

I Hate food!!!!!!!!!

I hate food! I hate it!!!!! It is there to taunt me constantly!!
I have been in a bad mood all week! I have no idea why! No PMS No I'm not knocked up! I just am mad!! And what do I want when I am mad but good food or lots of sugar!!! I torture myself and think of olive garden and PF changs and well any kind of food! I mean Mcdonalds at this point sounds good! I am starving!!!!!! ok so no I am not really starving! I do eat and make sure I am consuming enough calories to loose weight! But I still just want FOOD!!! UGH!!!!
I know this is mostly mental! I want "comfort" food! I never realized how much I use food to comfort me until this week! I get mad at Dan, I want a honey bun! My house is a mess, I want pasta with alfredo sauce! Someone says something I don't like, Give me a steak!!!!!
So yes I know I need to be good! I know I want to be thin! I know I am Not happy with my size! But it is hard to Know it's worth it when everyone else in your house doesn't!!!
I will be good and I will be strong! Just don't expect to see a difference if you see me!!!

going crazy

I know loosing weight isn't easy! I know it takes time! But there are so many variables! Like sleep and water and time of day and sodium intake! Ugh!!! I am stalling right now! my weight for a week has been 202.4! I have tried different food and had NO success! I have a cold so I thought I could go with not eating dairy for a while. It has messed me up! My routine was yogurt with fruit, cottage cheese with tomato, and normal chicken and veggie dinner! I was loosing weight! of course low fat and fat free dairy ! So I guess I need to go back to that diet! But I am trying to not get this cold!!! Advice??
Also on the whole sleep thing!I have four kids! As all of you mothers know not having sleep is normal! But I am dying!!! Between all these colds, baddreams and peeing the bed, I AM TIRED!!! I went to the optometrist yesterday and he said my eyes have trouble focusing because of fatigue! (I came home and told my husband and he asked if I told the dr. I never get sleep or if the dr. said it to me! thanks Dan!!) I try and take a nap but I am sure it is not a far stretch to hear someone in my house say " But I don't get a nap at my job!"!
SO I am going through my days frustrated, tired, and going crazy!!! UGH!!!